


So Let It Break Your Heart

by Kingjoethecat



Series: Say It, Just Say It [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Michael Mell, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-11 00:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11702796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingjoethecat/pseuds/Kingjoethecat
Summary: A story in which Michael's finally got a smoking hot date to the dance after his terrible day. He's also got a terrible mother, and maybe some communication issues. Good thing he's got some good friends.(Previous story is not necessarily needed to read to enjoy this one, but is a good idea.)





	1. And I Gotta Get To Rock Bottom!

**Author's Note:**

> Once more my fic has been beta read by the wonderful [UpsideAround](http://archiveofourown.org/users/UpsideAround), go check them out for more bmc and tons of other fics
> 
> Anyways this fic has been,,,,fun to say the least. Currently planning to be only three chapters unless I magically get the motivation to write more in this particular story, speaking of this story...
> 
> Its part of a series now! So this will not be the last of the beautiful Michael/Rich content you'll see from me!

Jake tapped his fingers against the table. He wasn't anxious like Jeremy would say he was. He wasn't good at being patient, that's all.

 

Rich was never late for lunch. Yet 20 minutes had already passed and there was no sign of him.

 

Jake sighed, letting his head drop onto the table.

 

He wasn't worried about Rich. He really wasn't. Rich could deadlift him without breaking a sweat. Hell, Rich once carried him up several flights of stairs just to see if he could.

 

Rich was strong physically, but emotionally? He didn't like talking about anything even relating to emotions.

 

Jake didn't know what to do with that problem. They were Bros, and Bros look out for one another. So he was going to try harder. He was going to get Rich to talk about his problems for once. He was going to--

 

“Hey, it’s Rich.” Christine said, looking excited for some reason.

 

Christine had initially seemed unperturbed at their friends no show for lunch. But as the time went by, so did her grip on Jeremy’s hand. The only reason Jake had even noticed was because of Jeremy’s frantic tugging to try and free his captured appendage. Christine either didn’t notice that she was cutting off his circulation, or didn’t care.

 

Looking away from Christine Jake saw that it really was Rich, who was racing through the cafeteria. He wasn't slowing down even though he was getting closer, and closer, to Jake and--

 

Ow. He had slammed right into Jake’s back.

 

“Jake! You’ll never guess--”

 

“Inside voice! Come on man, not right in my ears. For the last time, I still need those.”

 

“Oh, oops, sorry. “ Rich fidgeted with his fingers.

 

Rich took his normal seat next to Jake. His smile was the largest Jake had seen since before Halloween, he was practically vibrating in his seat. His pants were completely covered in mud from the knees down.

 

“Okay so? What's the big news?”

 

Rich opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by Jeremy.

 

“I know what he’s so excited about.” Jeremy said, waving his phone in front of Jake’s face.

 

“Noooooo,” Rich whined, “Let me tell him, please?” He gave an over exaggerated pout.

 

Jeremy set his phone back down and motioned for Rich to continue.

 

“I was walking to lunch across the field, ya know? The big one that stretches across the--”

 

“Rich there’s only one field, get on with it.” Jenna said, rolling her eyes.

 

“So, I was walking to lunch and I saw Michael. And well,” Rich rubbed at his neck, “I might have ran into him a bit?”

 

“Is that why your pants are covered in mud?” Jake asked.

 

“My what now?” Rich looked down and let out a small whistle. “I didn't even notice, damn it, now I'm gonna have to do laundry.”

 

“Anyways Rich, you ran into Michael.” Jake wanted to bury his head in his hands, this was taking forever.

 

“Yeah I ran into him and, um, well…” Rich shifted in his seat. He waved his hands around. “You know? So then I see this huge ass bruise on his face and I'm like ‘dude! What the fuck happened are you alright!’ And then he was all like ‘no!’ So I took him to the nurse and shit.”

 

“What happened to his face?” Jeremy asked, looking more panicked than he did before. He opened back up his phone, muttering something Jake couldn’t hear.

 

“Some dickbag hit him with a football.”

 

“What?” Jeremy screeched, “He's hurt?”

 

“No, no he’s fine. He just got a little dinged up.”

 

Jeremy continued to stare at Rich until Christine nudged him. Then he was furiously typing on his phone.

 

Someone was in trouble.

 

“So anyways,” Rich said, ignoring Jeremy’s plight, “That guard? The asshole that busted Chloe for leaving early, he took Michael’s headphones!”

 

“Inside voice.” Jake reminded him, rubbing at his abused ears.

 

“So while Michael is going to the nurse I snuck into his office and I--”

 

“You snuck into his office?” Jeremy asked, his voice bouncing up several octaves.

 

Jake was beginning to feel a migraine coming on.

 

“Yeah, it wasn't hard? His door was open and I saw the headphones so I snatched them but, um, he saw me as I was heading out?”

 

“Rich why did you say that like it was a question?” Jake said, as he rubbed at his temples.

 

“I didn't actually see him, I only heard some loud breathing behind me and then someone was chasing me.”

 

Yep, there it was, a migraine.

 

“So I ran to the nurse’s and Michael was there so I gave him his headphones back. Then I, uh.” Rich blush darkened and he looked down at the table.

 

“Rich, didn't you want to be the one to tell the story?” Jeremy asked in a teasing tone.

 

Rich took a deep breath before continuing.

 

“So then I asked him out to the dance and then he said yes.” Rich concluded his story in a single breath.

 

Christine cheered. “I knew you could do it.”

 

“What? Rich, you planned this? “ Jake asked, cocking his head to the side.

 

Rich turned back to Jake and busted out laughing. “Jake, you look like a confused puppy.”

 

“Oh my god, I see it.” Christine added, laughter lacing her voice.

 

“Okay, okay, hahaha, Rich you never answered my question,” Jake huffed.

 

Rich wiped the tears from his eyes.

 

“No, yes? I guess so. I wanted to ask Michael out and Christine just gave me a pep talk this morning.” He shrugged.

 

“Hey Rich.” Jeremy sounded serious and a lot closer than he had been before.

 

“Y-yes Jeremy?” Rich responded.

 

Yep, Jeremy was closer than he had been before. Instead of being across from him and Rich he was now sitting right next to Rich. He was right in Rich’s face as well.

 

“This isn't a trick, right?” Jeremy was staring Rich right in the eyes as Rich spluttered. “‘Cause Michael’s my best friend and if you were to do anything stupid, like pretend to ask him out, well it wouldn't end nicely for you.” Jeremy was scary when he was this serious.

 

“I, no! I wouldn't do something like that to anyone! “ Rich’s fists were clenching and unclenching around his pants.

 

“This dance lands on Michael’s birthday this year, okay?”

 

“O-okay.”

 

And then at Rich’s stuttered ‘okay’ Jeremy’s demeanor melted back into his normal, slightly anxious self.

 

“Then we're all good here.” He smiled and patted Rich on the back, hard enough to bruise.

 

The bell rang, and Jeremy walked away without a look back.

 

“Damn.” Jake said, “Jeremy can be terrifying when he wants to be.”

 

Rich slammed his head on the table.

 

“If I fuck this up I'm going to die.”

 

* * *

 

 

To say Michael was excited when he came home on Thursday to see a pale yellow dress sitting on the kitchen counter would be a complete lie.

 

His phone buzzed in his pocket, prompting him to move. He pulled it from his pocket and unlocked the screen. There were two unread messages from Jeremy and four from Rich.

 

Player 2: wanna come over tonight???

Player 2: come on man I got gotg on dvd

 

Bi Bi (boyfriend?): nope I've never heard of it

Bi Bi (boyfriend?): sounds dope thou I love zombie games

Bi Bi (boyfriend?): we should play it sometime

Bi Bi (boyfriend?): im free this weekend we could chill together??

 

He watched the small dots signaling that Rich was still typing. Then the dots disappeared, and reappeared. Then disappeared.

 

Bi Bi (boyfriend?): not that I'm trying to just, uh, you know?

 

Michael laughed at Rich’s fumbling. He was just too cute sometimes.

  
  


_When Michael walked into the cafeteria the day after Rich had asked him to the prom the first thing he noticed was Jake sitting in Christine’s spot, while Jeremy was in his normal spot. Christine had moved over one spot too, so from the end of the table it went Jake, Jeremy, Christine, Brook. There was an empty spot where Jake once was, right next to Rich on the other side of the table._

 

_Rich looked up from where he was messing with his phone and waved him over. He kept the phone on the table and was spinning it against the fake wood._

 

_“I hope you don’t mind, I was hoping we could maybe, sit together?”_

 

_Michael smiled and plopped down next to Rich, setting his lunch down on the table._

 

_“Of course I don’t mind.” He patted Rich’s thigh under the table._

 

_Rich’s face morphed from a slight frown to a blinding smile instantly._

 

_Michael's heart skipped a beat. Rich was beautiful like this, there were no worry lines littering his forehead, no tension in his shoulder, he wasn’t even twirling his phone anymore. Michael could feel a blush working its way onto his face as they stared at one another._

 

_“Oh my God, you two are so-o gay together.” Brook said, leaning over to get a closer look at them._

 

_“They’re blushing so hard!” Chole added, letting out a small squeal._

 

_Michael looked from the two girls fawning over them back to Rich and yep, his face was bright red. Michael’s own blush had to be less prominent on his face, but he still felt much warmer than he would have liked._

 

_“Hey leave them alone.” Jake said, but without any bite to his word. He was smiling too, “Besides,” His grin changed into a shit eating one, “They are just a-dor-a-ble together.”_

 

_Rich let his head fall on the table, groaning as he went down._

 

_Michael giggled -- actually giggled, and patted his head. “Shh, it’s okay. The bad people can’t make fun of you anymore.”_

 

_Rich just let out another goan._

  
  


“Maddy?” His mom called out to him from upstairs, startling Michael out of his memories. “Are you home?”

 

He groaned, massaging his forehead. “Yeah mom!”

 

The stairs above him creaked, “I have the best surprise for you, my little girl.”

 

Michael placed his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt. He hated that his parents had gotten vacation time from work. They could have gone anywhere in the world and his mom just had to spend time at home, with him. Now he had to deal with her from the moment he woke up ‘till the moment he fell asleep.

 

At least his dad had the right idea, going to the Bahamas for the entire month. His mom was going to join him once Michael got off of school for winter break. They gave him the choice of going to a beautiful island paradise for Christmas, or staying in cold New Jersey. He didn’t even pretend to think about it before announcing that he would rather spend the holiday with Jeremy.

 

That had resulted in a nasty fight between him and his mother. His dad ended up being the one to end it, announcing that she had to respect his decision for sticking with his friend who ‘had no family.’ It was amazing how they had forgotten that Jeremy did actually have a dad, but he wasn’t about to remind them of that particular fact.

 

His mom rounded the corner into the dining room and gave a heavy sigh when she saw him.   

 

“Madaline, you need to stop wearing that ratty old thing, with your hair so short you almost look like a boy.”

 

Michael choked down the urge to scream and shrugged instead. “I like my sweatshirt.”

 

“Yes, but you’re never going to get a boyfriend looking like that.” She gestured to his entire body. “But that’s not what I’m down here to talk about. Do you see this dress?”

 

“Yes?” It felt like a trick question, the dress was right in front of him.

 

“And you know the winter dance for your school is coming up?”

 

“Yes?” Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no.

 

“This dress is for you to wear!” His mom picked it up from off the table and showed it off to him.

 

It was the worse shade of yellow Michael had ever seen, with lace flowing around the arms and bottom of it. It could probably look nice on Brook, or Chloe, or even Christine. It would look nice on a small petite girl, someone who he wasn’t.

 

His veins were filling up with ice; his mom couldn’t be serious. She knew he hated dresses, was she really going to make him wear a dress?

 

His mom bounced on her heels, “You’re going to look so beautiful. We’re going to do your hair, and makeup, and, we can go and get mani-pedis the day before. We can finally have a girls night!”

 

Shit, she was being completely serious with him. “I, I can’t.”

 

“Well, why not?” Her expression didn’t even change.

 

“I don’t have a date.” The excuse came out of nowhere.The hands in his pockets were shaking; his nails were digging into his palms.

 

“Go with Jeremy.”

 

“Jeremy already has a date.” His voice wavered, it was a small miracle she didn’t notice.

 

“Go with your friend group.”

 

“I don’t, they already have their dates, or their little groups.”

 

“Ask if you can tag along.”

 

“Mom, I don’t want to go to this dance.”

 

“Maddy, you need to learn how to live a little. What are you going to do when you have kids and they ask you what you did in high school? Tell them you spent all day playing video games in a basement? I want you to go have fun with your friends.”

 

“What about a suit?” The question spilled out of his mouth before he could even think about it.

 

“What about a suit.” HIs mom repeated back to him, her voice monotone.

 

“Could you get me a suit for this dance?” He bit the inside of his cheek. This wasn’t a good idea.

 

His mom stared at him blankly, “You want to wear a suit?”

 

“Y-yeah, all the girls are doing it!”

 

“All the lesbian girls I assume, Maddy you need to stop hanging with those folk. They’re not right in the head.”

 

Her words felt like a punch to the gut. “It’s not just the lesbians mom.” His protest was weak at best.

 

“I,” She took a breath, “I love you Madeline, but, sometimes a mother needs to see her daughter in a beautiful dress.

 

His brain was melting, he couldn’t deal with this. He was two seconds away from hyperventilating, and quite possibly throwing up.

 

“I’m not going to the dance.”    

 

“Madaline, you can’t be rash about this.”

 

“No. I’m not going just to make you happy.”

 

His mother dropped the dress. She stared at him, wide eyed.

 

“You never do anything to make me happy anymore.” She said, voice cold.

 

He turned away from her and fled down into the basement.

 

* * *

 

 

Everything was too loud. The heater was turned up, the boiler was making an awful rattling noise. It was windy, the bushes outside were scraping against the windows. His phone wouldn’t stop buzzing, the noise was amplified by the table it was sat on.

 

Jeremy wouldn’t stop fucking calling him.

 

He was exhausted, his anxiety attack had lasted for nearly two hours as he cried and tried not to think about how much easier everything would be if he was dead. He didn’t want to talk to Jeremy right now, he wanted to just sit on his couch.

 

His heart was still rattling around his chest. He shouldn’t have said that to his mom. He should have just been _good_ for once and just let her be happy. But the thought of putting on that dress sent shivers down his spine. Then wearing that dress to the dance? He gagged, everyone would see him for the freak he really was. He was disgusting, he was--

 

His phone stopped buzzing. Michael sighed.

 

His phone began buzzing once again.

 

He leaned over to the table and slammed on the answer button.

 

“Michael!” Jeremy shouted into the receiver.

 

“Not so loud.” Michael said, lowering the volume on his phone.

 

“Michael, you haven’t answered your phone since school got out, I got worried.”

 

“Wow, it’s not like I could have a life Jeremy.” Michael snapped. No, he shouldn’t be saying stuff like this to Jeremy.

 

He took a deep breath. Nothing was going to get better if he just started yelling at Jeremy.

 

“Sorry,” Michael said, “That wasn’t what I wanted to say.”

 

“It’s okay, can you just tell me what’s going on? It’s not like you to, to…” Jeremy’s voice trailed off.

 

“My mom’s been home.” Michael admitted quietly.

 

“Oh, is she still...?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Michael I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have to go through this. When’s she leaving?”

 

“Once we get out for winter break. She wanted me to go with them for Christmas but I managed to get out of it.”

 

Jeremy snorted. “You could argue your way out of a homicide.”

 

“Yeah, so we fought earlier and, that’s why I haven’t been responding you. Sorry man.”

 

“No it’s cool, we’re cool. You know I just get anxious about this stuff sometimes.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

There was an awkward silence over the line.

 

“See you at school tomorrow?” Jeremy asked.

 

“We’ll see.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Michael sighed, “Well I’m going to--”

 

“Do you want me to come over?” Jeremy interrupted.

 

“No that’s not--I’m fine Jeremy. I just want to go to bed now.”

 

“Oh. Yeah okay, goodnight.”

 

“Night Jeremy.”

 

* * *

 

 

His mom left the house at 7:45. He knew that because she had slammed the door hard enough that he could hear it in the basement, waking him up.

 

He entertained the thought of going to school for about two seconds before one of the worst cramps of his life started in his abdomen.

 

His phone vibrated against the table. He almost wished he was back to October, when no one was acknowledging he was alive. He didn't bother looking at the messages from last night.

 

Player 2: I’ll get your hw for you today, cool?

 

Sometimes Jeremy knows him too well. He typed out a yeah and sent it. He bit at his lips before going to Rich's contact.

 

His picture was a selfie of the two of them, it was taken only a few days ago. Rich had pulled up Snapchat and held it up before Michael had even realized what was going on. He had looked up at the screen to see part of his face obstructed by a brown dog nose and ears. Rich had snapped the picture right then, with Michael looking bewildered at the phone and Rich was mid laugh, looking at the Michael right next to him, instead of at the screen.

 

Michael loved the picture, he made Rich send it to him right after it was taken.

 

He sighed, opening up his messenger. He had to talk to Rich about his... situation. He couldn't go it by text, that was lame. He sent off one single text that read:

 

we need to talk, ill be in the parking lot after school.

 

Well that wasn't ominous or anything. The response was immediate.

 

Bi bi (boyfriend?): uh, sure?

 

Okay, now all he had to do was figure out how to tell Rich he wasn't going to the dance without making a mess of things.

 

* * *

 

 

A few hours later, Michael still had no clue what he was going to say. All he had accomplished so far was panic, which wasn't helping him any.

 

His phone lit up, this time there were a few texts from Christine.

 

Play Princess: Michael what did you do?

Play Princess: Where are you??

Play Princess: Why is Rich freaking out?

 

Good ol’ Christine, the group mom. She was back at it again with the overprotective nature.

 

Play Princess: I know you're reading these Michael. Jeremy isn't telling me anything. What's going on?

 

He was really tempted to spill everything to Christine, but a quick look at the time told him that she was at lunch with the others. He couldn't tell her everything that was going on, odds were that someone (Jeremy) was going to be reading his response over her shoulder. She was not going to drop it until she got some sort of answer, just like Jeremy. God, they were perfect for each other.

 

He hadn't heard his mom come in until he heard her fake gag. “Maddy, you need to shave your legs. You look disgusting with those shag carpets.”

 

He nearly jumped off the couch. He had wandered upstairs for aspirin after he woke up, then he got to lazy to go all the way back down to the basement. He had honestly thought their argument yesterday had chased her off.

 

She huffed at his non-response. “I'll be upstairs, ” She announced before walking away.

 

She didn't even ask him why he wasn't at school.

 

Michael turned back to his phone. Christine hadn't sent any more texts, but he could feel her on the other side, waiting like a panther to lunge at him.

 

He drummed his fingers against his chest, thinking.

 

Ill tell you later

 

He finally typed out and sent.

 

Play Princess: That’s not an answer.

Play Princess: Seriously Rich has been freaked all day!

 

He turned his phone off. He had to think of what to say to Rich.

 

* * *

 

 

Michael had a plan. It was a good plan. He wasn't going to lead with how he couldn't go to the dance. He was going to explain that his mom was actually human garbage, and the only thing he had to wear was a dress.

 

He was parked in the school's student lot. The final bell had rang when he pulled in. He steeled his nerves and got out of his car.

 

He watched the hoards of students walk out of the building. It was going to be difficult spotting Rich in the middle of them.

 

He saw Jake first, who either didn’t notice Michael, or decided not to acknowledge his presence.

 

Rich walked out next, pulling Jake down so he could say something into his ears. Jake nodded and walked away. He glanced around before spotting Michael, who was still stood next to his car.

 

As Rich got closer to the car Michael could see his eyes were glassy and rimmed with red. Any plan that Michael had flew out the window.

 

“Hey, ” Michael greeted, awkwardly waving.

 

His eyes were even more red up close. “So what’s up?” His lisp was even more pronounced when he was upset. Michael filed it under information he never wanted to know.

 

“I can’t go to the dance.” Fuck, that wasn’t what he wanted to say. That was the one thing he shouldn’t have said first.

 

“O-oh.” Rich’s shoulders slumped. He was staring at the ground in front of him.

 

Michael’s heart started racing. This wasn’t how he wanted this to go. He was going to explain and make sure Rich understood it wasn’t his fault, he had a plan. He didn’t want Rich to feel like this, like he did.

 

He was a failure, he had a plan. He had a good plan, he couldn’t, he said the wrong thing. His heart was beating too fast, it was going to explode. He fucked up, Rich was going to hate him now, Rich was--

 

Rich hated him.

 

He staggered back, Rich still hadn’t moved.

 

“I’m,” Michael didn’t know what to say. His thoughts were disorganized, all coming back to the truth, Rich hated him. There was nothing he could say to make this better. Anything he did say would be insulting.

 

Rich raised one hand and wiped at his eyes.

 

Michael fled back into his car. He couldn’t deal with how much of a fuck up he was. Not right now.

  
  



	2. You say "We gotta look on the bright side"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse and better, maybe not in that order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again this chapter is betaed by the wonderful, amazing, meme-loving [UpsideAround](http://archiveofourown.org/users/UpsideAround)

Jake watched Rich and Michael talk from the seat of his car. He watched as Rich’s shoulder’s slumped, and then started shaking. He watched Michael turn-tail and run away. He watched as Rich slowly made his way to Jake’s car, keeping his eyes trained on the ground. 

Rich didn’t even bother getting into the passenger seat. He opened the driver's seat and crawled into Jake’s lap. Jake was forced to pull his seat back to stop Rich from slamming on his horn. 

To say Jake was annoyed by one Michael Mell would be a vast understatement. To say that Jake wanted to smash that boy’s head into a wall would be more apt. Not that he could enact on any murderous urges with Rich quietly crying in his lap. 

“Do you remember when Amanda dumped me?” Jake asked him, nudging his shoulder gently.

“Yeah?” Rich’s voice wavered.

“Remember how many boxes of ice cream we went through?”

“We? I remember you eating four of them and then crying because you had a tummy ache after.” Rich let out a watery laugh that was cut off by a silent sob. 

Jake had no idea what Michael had said to him, and yet he was still ready to murder him. 

He felt Rich take a deep breath against him. Then another, and another. 

“Okay, I’m good now.” Rich’s voice sounded wrecked. 

“Are you sure? We can, uh,” Jake cut himself off and shrugged.

“Yeah,” Rich climbed off of him and back into the passenger seat. “Can we just go back to your place?”

Jake nodded, plugging his phone into the aux and started a song he knew Rich liked. 

They pulled out of the school’s parking lot, music blasting out of Jake’s open window.

“Hey, I hear the voice of a preacher from the back room  
Calling my name and I follow just to find you  
I trace the faith to a broken down television and put on the weather”

 

Jake’s apartment was silent when they walked in. There had been no gentle ribbing one another on the way over, there was no talk all all. 

Jake dropped his keys into the bowl beside the door. “Alright spill.”

“There’s not much to say,” Rich slumped down into the couch, “Michael broke up with me because I’m a loser.”

“No, tell me exactly what Michael actually said to you.” Jake didn’t want to play a game of telephone. 

“He said, I don’t want to go with the dance with you anymore.” Rich sniffed, curling in on himself. 

Jake sighed, running his hands through his hair. He was going to kill Michael. 

He sat down on the other end of the couch, opening his arms, he called out, “I’ve got my cuddling arms out.”

Rich gave him a tired chuckle, but made no motion to move from his spot. 

Jake smiled at him and lowered his arms. “Offer still stands, whenever you want dude.” He grabbed the remote from the table and tossed it over to Rich. “Anything you wanna watch, except for whatever it was you were watching last time.” Jake said, shuttering.

“Hey, Degrassi is a good show.”

“The guy’s name was Zig, Rich, Zig.”

Rich huffed, fiddling with the remote until the loading screen for Crunchyroll popped up. 

Jake shrugged, a little anime never hurt anybody. He fished his phone out of his pocket, pulling up Jeremy’s contact.

Me: Yo man, where does Michael live?

He figured that getting straight to the point would be easiest with Jeremy involved.

Jeremy: uM?? Why????

Me: I just wanna talk to him about something

Jeremy: about what?? Ive never seen you guys talk together before??? 

Jeremy: unless….

Jeremy: is this about rich????

Jeremy: christy was telling me somthing was up, but he never replied??

Me: U wanna know what michael did

Me: Hes a dick who made rich cry thats what he did

Me: now im gonna go have a talk with him

There was a prolonged gap in the time it took Jeremy to respond. 

Jeremy: ok so

Jeremy: im going to go over there and 

Another pause, then the next few texts came rapid fire. 

Jeremy: make sure hes alright because this really donsnt seem like something michael would do oh god

Jeremy: and if everything find then you can go over and yell at him or whatever but hes not responfing to me and????

Jeremy: he was super exiccted for thisand he just broke it off??.. Somethkngs isnt right

Jeremy’s texts stopped. Well, shit. 

He looked over to Rich, who had at one point apparently gotten up, walked to his bedroom, and taken the comforter off his bed and was currently completely wrapped up in it. He assumed Rich was inside the mound that was taking up more than half the couch, he couldn’t actually see him.

“Hey, Rich?” 

The mound shifted.

“Was Michael acting, strange when he was talking to you?”

The mound moved once again, and this time Rich’s face popped out. 

“Yeah? He was kinda freaking out, he was all pale and shit.”

Well, fuck. 

 

There was a certain type of anxiety that came when Jeremy was worried about Michael. Maybe it was because they were best friends, maybe it was from twelve years of friendship, maybe it was because Jeremy never had any other friends he was quite as close to before. 

All his worries cumulated into Jeremy turning into a stuttering, jittery mess. He tried to convey to Christine that they had to go over to Michael’s house. 

It turned into a game of charades. 

“Okay Jeremy, two words, one’s a proper noun and the other is a… place?” Christine asked, trying to interpret his flailings. 

Jeremy threw his hands up in the air, this wasn't working. Then he got an idea, one he really should have thought of at the beginning. 

He pulled out his phone, hastily typing out the words, we need to go to Michaels, and letting autocorrect fix his mistakes. He showed Christine the phone and she made a noise of understanding. 

“Well, let's go then!” She cheered and pulled him out the door. 

 

Her cheery disposition seemed to melt away once they got into her car. She tapped her knuckles to the steering wheel as they made their way over to Michael’s house. 

“So, why are we going over to Michael’s house in the middle of our date?” 

Jeremy squeaked, and started speaking so fast his words blended together. 

“Okay, let’s take a deep breath and try that again.” 

Jeremy took her advice and started again, slower this time. “Jake texted me, and he’s been acting weird lately, and then he's not going to the dance anymore? I’m not sure what’s going on but it’s not good.” Jeremy buried his head in his hands. 

“Jeremy, that, what? Jake’s not going to the dance? Why are we going to Michael’s then?” 

“No no, Jake just texted me. Um, something’s up with Michael right now. Jake told me that Michael just broke it off with Rich? But that doesn't make any sense, he was so excited to go with him.” 

“That doesn't sound… right. You're right, something has to be up.”

“Mmhmm.” The end of his noise went up several octaves. 

“Hey Jeremy, do you even know if Michael’s even going to be at his house right now?”

“Oh I-I don’t.” 

“Well, we're about to find out.”

Christine parked her car on the curb outside Michael’s house. The only other car near his house was Michael’s cruiser. The blinds on the front of the house were open, but the lights were off.

Jeremy felt calmer now that he was actually at Michael’s house. 

“I don’t think anyone’s home,” Christine said.

“Nah, it’s always like this.” Jeremy stared up at the house for a moment longer before he started walking towards the side yard. “Let’s check the basement.”

Christine nodded and followed him. 

The grass was bright green, almost looking like it was dyed that way. There was a side garden along the fence that was unsurprisingly empty. A large empty bowl sat in front of a foundation window.

Jeremy pointed to it, “When it gets warmer we fill that bowl with water and birds come and play around in it. Michael has his couch right below this window so we can sit on top of the backrest and watch them.”

“Wouldn’t they notice you guys watching them?”

“Not if we don’t make any noise.” Jeremy chuckled softly. “His mom hates us doing it though. She yells at us because the birds shit everywhere.”

“Oh, that’s…”

“Oh!” Jeremy cut her off, “Do you see this tire?” He pointed to a huge bright orange tire with empty stalks sticking out of the hole. “We stole it from a junkyard a few years ago and there was some orange spray paint laying around from god knows what. So we, well, Michael sprayed it, I was afraid of dying my clothes orange, and we planted daisies in it.”

“That’s really cute.” Christine gave Jeremy a small smile, “Don’t they grow back every year?”

“Yeah. Michael’s mom was so mad that we ruined the ‘aesthetics of her yard.’” Jeremy threw up air quotes around the end of his statement. “She always has landscapers come in and do all the work for them. It’s not ‘her yard.’”

“Oh.” Christine said, nodding. 

“Yeah, she didn’t even notice the tire until the second year we had it.” Jeremy snorted. “I swear Michael could run away and she wouldn’t even notice. Oh.” His face turned red. “I’m, uh, ranting, aren’t I?”

“Yeah.” Christine patted his back. “But it’s fine. I like hearing about you and Michael, I’ve never really had a best friend. Does that make sense?”

Jeremy nodded as they approached the door that led to the basement. He hesitated for a moment before trying to open it. It was locked.

“Michael, get your otter ass out of bed and open the door!” He banged on the door and pressed his ears up to it. 

He waited a minute before sighing. “He’s either ignoring me, or not here.”

“What if he’s asleep?”

“No, Michael is the lightest sleeper imaginable. One time he told me I sneezed and it woke him up.” 

“Ah.”

“Yeah.” Jeremy fished out his keys from his pockets. He held out the rainbow one and unlocked the door. 

There were two things that were noticeably different from the last time Jeremy had been down there. The first was the music that was blasting from a speaker hanging on the wall. 

“Are you drifting way beyond what’s normal?

‘Cause ‘round your mind rings the words that they would say?

When you go home everything looks different

And you’re scared of being left behind”

The other thing that was different was the Michael sized lump on the couch. It looked like he had grabbed all the blankets in his room and placed them all on top of himself. 

Jeremy approached the lump, “Michael?” He questioned.

The lump shifted.

“Michael.”

The lump fell over. 

“Michael.”

The lump did nothing. 

Jeremy sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He motioned for Christine to come closer to him. 

The song ended and the next one began playing. 

Let's pretend everything's ok,  
let's put up a smile so we can say  
"I am fine, can't you see?  
I smile 'cause I'm happy."

Liar, liar, you want to die.  
You wanna tell your friends goodbye.  
Let it all be gone, let it go away.  
I don't wanna lie, I don't wanna have to say...

Jeremy was bat-shit terrified when he got Jake’s texts earlier. That feeling had slowly morphed into him being more slightly worried about what Michael had possibly done. Michael would do this sometimes, not think about what he was saying and then freak the fuck out, believing that everyone would hate him forever and there was no way to repair the damage.

The first time they had a fight Jeremy had stumbled down the stairs to apologize, and when he came face to face with lump Michael he had cried. Then Michael started crying. It was a mess.

But Michael was playing his ‘More Actively Suicidal than Passively Suicidal’ playlist.

The lump was shaking. 

Jeremy sat down next to where he hoped Michael’s head was. He started pulling at the blankets until he could see Michael’s hair spilling out. Jeremy started pulling Michael up until the upper part of his body was uncovered.

“Michael?” Jeremy nudged him slightly. 

“Go away.” Michael groaned, attempting to shift back into his blankets. 

“Michael.”

“Michael.” He parroted back at Jeremy in a mocking tone.

“Come on now, what are you, three?” Jeremy’s tone was harsher than he wanted. 

Michael pulled himself up into a sitting position, still wrapped up in the blankets and glared at Jeremy. “What do you want, why are you even here?” 

Jeremy leaned back, taking in how Michael looked. His glasses were gone, his eyes were red and puffy. His face was blotchy, and there was a small amount of snot around his nose. 

“I was worried about you. Jake texted me earlier.”

“Okay.” Michael pulled the blankets back over his head, “Good for you. Nice to know you have more than two friends.”

“Michael, come on, what’s wrong.” Jeremy pleaded, “Jake said you made Rich cry.” 

That got a response. 

Michael made a high pitched whine in the back of throat and somehow curled further into his blankets. “I know that. I know I fucked up, yet again Michael Mell ruins other people's lives.” He laughed humorlessly.

“What? You didn’t--”

“I fucked up my parents. I fucked up yours, maybe if I was a better friend you never would have gotten a squip!” He threw his hands into the air.

“Michael that’s not--”

“Not true? We’ll never know, now will we?” Michael chuckled again, wiping his eyes with his fists. 

“Look let’s not talk about that right now. Okay?”

Michael shrugged, breaking eye contact and looking down at the floor. 

Christine was still in the doorway, her eyes wide. Jeremy looked up at her and shook his head. She stayed standing where she was. 

“So tell me about this Rich thing.”

“Nothing much to say. I fucked up and he hates me now.” Michael’s body lost all the tension it had been holding in. He slumped into the couch. 

“Whatever happened, I’m sure Rich will forgive you for it. He’s a nice guy you know, he knows a lot about apologies. I heard that he burned down his friends house, and the guy forgave him for it!” Jeremy exclaimed in mock excitement. 

Michael made a sad sound that was a cross between a laugh and a choke. “It’s not the same.”

“Why not?”

“I had full control of my actions, and I fully fucked it up.”

“What did you do then?”

 

“I, I told him I wasn’t, wasn’t going to the dance with him.” 

Jeremy watched as tears formed in his friend's eyes. “Why did you do that?” 

God, Jeremy felt like he was going to start crying soon. Michael looked so small and miserable huddled in all those blankets, small tears falling down his cheeks. Jeremy hadn’t seen him this upset since…

“Michael, what did you mom say to you?” Jeremy asked, feeling his heart rate pick up. 

Michael made a choked noise, and fell forward onto Jeremy’s lap.

Jeremy heard a small sniffle come from the other side of the room. Christine had one hand up to her mouth and the other wiping at her eyes. The sight of his two closest friends crying made Jeremy’s heart clench.

Jeremy sniffled, trying to reign in his emotions. He thought he was successful until a small wet spot emerged on his shit. 

“I’m such a bad kid.” Michael muttered into Jeremy’s leg. “My mom just wanted me to wear a dress and I ca-an’t.”

“Michael you’re not, not a bad kid. Your mom’s a bad parent. God, you don’t deserve any of this.” 

Michael didn’t have anything to say in response to Jeremy’s statement. 

Jeremy was fine with this, he felt like his heart was wilting. He was fine with Michael crying in his lap for a little longer. 

Jeremy felt his own tears still falling down his face. Christine had moved to one of the chairs off to the side of the couch. They made eye contact and Christine nodded. 

He tuned back into what music was playing in the background.

“I want to end reality but I feel hesitant  
Optimistic that the future will be more concerned than the present  
And so for today, I'll remain intact

I don't want to be awake again  
I spend my days with my head in my hands  
If I go outside, I'll fall apart”

 

Jeremy woke up to someone giggling in his ear. He blearily opened his eyes to see two dark figures on either side of him. 

He blinked away the blurriness, and Michael’s face emerged, close enough that their noses were almost touching. 

“Aw, Christine, you woke him up.” 

They moved away from him.

“I didn’t mean to,” She could barely talk she was laughing so hard, “Jeremy, you were so cute when you were younger.”

“When I was… what?” 

Jeremy wiped at his eyes. Oh, that’s right, he was still at Michael’s house, sitting on Michael’s couch. 

Michael was sitting on his...legs? When did Jeremy lay down?

Jeremy was laying on his back along the couch with Michael sitting on his legs, and Christine was sitting further down. There was an open laptop in between the two. 

His brain surprisingly quickly added two and two together, “Oh no.”

“Oh, yes.” Michael replied, grinning at the dawning horror that was emerging on Jeremy’s face. 

“Why would you, you monster.” 

Michael laughed, turning the laptop so Jeremy could see the picture on the screen. 

It was a thirteen year old Jeremy in a dolphin suit, waving to the camera with one flipper. Michael was in the background, a unicorn mask on his head and a rainbow shirt on. 

“It was kinda my fault.” Christine admitted, her voice shaky from the earlier laughter. “You fell asleep and so it was just me, and Michael and it was really awkward.”

“I was still kinda crying and so me and Christine talked about some stuff,” Michael added.

“Oh yeah, Rich and Jake should be here sometime soon.” Christine said, pulling out her phone. “We’re going to get this misunderstanding sorted out soon.”

“Well that’s good,” Jeremy stated.

“So after that it was kinda awkward and I thought, what could make Michael feel better, and then I realized, telling me embarrassing stuff about you would make him feel better!” Christine cheered at the end. “And it did! It make him feel a lot better.”

“Oh. So you spent my nap time embarrassing me?” 

“And crying,” Michael admitted, “I cried a lot more.”

“Anyways you were so cute this Halloween,” Christine gushed. “Just look at you two.”

“Haha yeah, it was totally Halloween.” 

“Oh!” Christine’s phone pinged. “They said they’re here, I’ll tell them to go to the back door.”

There was the sound of a door opening.

“That was fast,” Jeremy remarked. 

“The back door’s still locked.” Michael’s face had gone white.

“Madaline Margaret Mell!” The scream echoed down to the basement.

There was a knock at the back door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and Comments make my life amazing and beautiful!
> 
> Also who ever can guess my naming scheme for the chapters gets a cookie!

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos/Comments are always greatly appreciated  
> Check me out on tumblr at [KingJoeTheCat](http://kingjoethecat.tumblr.com/)  
> Feel free to chat about anything bmc related or if you just wanna yell at me for leaving it here ;)


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